waxing red sounds

by to julian

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1.
09:02
2.
04:00

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waxing forth and growing red! some of my most nubile sounds, waiting to find their perfect days.

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released September 21, 2018

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to julian Raleigh, North Carolina

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Track Name: debriding
staking for a change
but my door is shut
breadwinner's sweepstakes
is a lonesome den

shadows skirting the staircase
and their voices are ghosts
scrape away at the edges
but you'll never feel home

cage myself in the room hung up with all the sheen
fiction; but i'm fixed in
pack the shadows in the baggy; it'll hurt for what it's worth
believe me if you don't wanna see me

i'm home from work, i've blown my worth, record the tune and watch the sounds
mingle; i see them with my eyes closed
soak the sins, once again, we're not friends, no amends
i'm sorry! for an infinite quarry
i'm sorry! for an infinite quarry

all i ever wanted
was a gentle light
set the sky on fire
what a perfect sight

michael, you're so pretty
in your hermit garb
but don't go running in your dreams
you won't make it far

cage myself in the room hung up with all the sheen
fiction; but i'm fixed in
pack the shadows in the baggy; it'll hurt for what it's worth
believe me if you don't wanna see me

i'm home from work, i've blown my worth, record the tune and watch the sounds
mingle; i see them with my eyes closed
soak the sins, once again, we're not friends, no amends
i'm sorry! for an infinite quarry
i'm sorry! for an infinite quarry

you might not ever know
why it continues to snow
don't hold up for me dear
refuge will never be near

IT'S ALL
DEFEAT
NEVER
PERFECT SWEET

i just want to be left alone
isn't it something? we're nothing.
friendly is fatal

and now, we've made it here.
do you feel it too? like i do?
lonely is loud
Track Name: jutta
hey there! give me a hug.
you must be feeling so sunk
and if you're in the pit; i'll join
and we'll both dig down deep dark 'til we soak sad unison

i called your son on the phone
told him it's cancer of the bones
and if you're home, it's time
to say goodbye to your chubby cheeky tri-colored cherub

i watched you cry in your car
told me you're not very far
from throwing it all away
and joining your husband as he rests in the clock on the mantle

one more step, one more day!
i wrote this song for you, won't you stay?
and watch as my heart
bursts at the seams for you

//

i can't stand it when you say that there's no one left to live for
because i'm right here and you're so dear to me

my angel don't you give up on me; remember i promised you
we'd both go back to germany

cigarette ashes trembling around your bible
what a painful little snowglobe you were

and now we're both crying as your best friend is dying
i've traveled my whole life just to hold you right now

miss jutta, you're my light
and i love you longer than life

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